and I mean this as a question. Ha! I’m a fresh start kinda person, I change and I grow frequently, I am overflowing, too much for most people and maybe too little for others and my writing reflects that, which makes sense because I’m writing from places within myself. So it’s a good question, How do you write a book that insists on changing so much? When you think that finally, i’ve gotten somewhere it swings out of place again and slides into a different skin. Maybe I should ask why is it changing so much? easy answer is that because I do. Maybe I should ask, is it really different? Is it really changing or is it just growing bigger, becoming more complex, growing more layers and that takes time to really sort through, figure out and write? Yes probably, but it’s a hard thing to say. I want others to know about this story, but I don’t have anything to show them let alone tell them.
‘This is my monster story’
What kind of monsters?
The kind that haunt childhoods. The big scary ones.
But that doesn’t seem so complex does it, how hard can it be to write about that. I ask, how hard can it be to write about what’s left after those monsters have come and gone? what grows in their place? I don’t know, it’s part of what I’m trying to figure out.
I’ve seen this advice countless times, floating around (if you know who wrote it I’d really appreciate knowing because google doesn’t surrender much but misleading sources) and it’s really resonating with me. That maybe i’m stuck because I’m scared. Scared of what people will think, scared to write the things I really want to write about, scared to suck, scared to not finish, scared to not be published sooner rather than later, scared that everything I put into this book will be for nothing or that the reverse is true, that I haven’t put enough of myself into it.
I need to focus on your characters more, this is a very character driven story, they need to come into focus and not be these blurred beings lacking any real definition (But I lack definition, I lack human connection) Who am I to these characters? Who am I to anyone else? I want to say that I’m someone but more often than not I feel like I’m no one.
Stories are hard, stories are complex, it’s like you have an ocean and people are only paddling at the very edges, afraid that whatever is swimming deep might hurt them. Stories are even harder to tell, harder to explain because more often than not it means that you’re going to be telling people about yourself. It’s hard to write when you feel like you have to justify yourself at every turn.